


Hourglass

by CountlessStars



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountlessStars/pseuds/CountlessStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time flows.<br/>Governments raise and fall. Nations are born and destroyed, cities built and shattered into dust. Wars burn the world black and grey, peace makes it blossom like the most delicate flowers.<br/>It’s a never ending cycle and Steve is trapped, stuck in one place while the world spins around him like a tornado.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hourglass

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I have no idea.

Steve Rogers tries to be a good man.

He saves and protects people because saving and protecting people is the right thing to do. It’s his duty. It’s what he was made for. And maybe – just maybe – it feels less empty than just _not doing it_.

\---

They don’t realise their own vulnerability at first and when they do, it’s far too late.

An almost routine mission in Dublin quickly turns into hell. Clint and Natasha die within seconds of their arrival on the spot.

It’s only after that “incident” (as it is referred in all the papers) that SHIELD starts a new program focusing on research of biological weapons.

The team grieves but after a few months, everyone seems to have moved on. Steve tells no one about his dreams. After all these years, Bucky’s face haunting his nights doesn’t surprise him anymore. Other faces do.

\---

A few years pass in a blur. Steve does what he is expected to do – he saves the world and he really tries not to question why.

Tony and Pepper get married. The wedding is a huge thing and Steve might feel a bit uncomfortable during the following celebrations, but he is really happy. For a while, there is no fighting. No saving the world. No combat tactics. No weapons. Only Bruce’s content eyes and Thor’s roaring laughter strengthened by one too many glasses of wine. And if Steve’s face hurts a little from his carefully calculated perfect smile, he doesn’t admit it – not even to himself.

Tony’s first child is a girl. Her eyes are dark, but somehow it’s the only light Steve sees.

\---

When Steve was seven years old, he dreamt of visiting Europe, but it was only this…a dream. And then he saw it – and almost every other part of the world as well – and it was terrible and wonderful and a tiny bit like having a bullet tearing his heart to thousands of pieces.

He never dreamt of visiting Asgard. That is why he can’t explain the sudden ache forming in his chest when he first sees the Rainbow Bridge. He takes a few deep breaths – no that it makes the pain disappear, of course. It just makes it easier to walk towards the great golden halls and seem fine.

The ceremony is very long and very unusual. Jane and Thor are like two stars, only shining in each other’s presence. It’s beautiful. Thor is happy. Tony is happy. Bruce is happy. Natasha and Clint are dead. Steve pretends.

\---

When Jane dies giving birth to their son, Thor comes to Steve. He falls to the floor crying and never looks up. It’s just as well – Steve really doesn’t want Thor to see his tears.

For the first time Steve finds himself wondering if God exists.

\---

Years pass.

Thor is now king and he never goes to Midgard anymore. There is a hole in Steve’s chest. It’s enormous and all blood and gore and perfectly hidden behind a smile.

\---

Everything changes.

\---

Tony’s children are all adults when it begins.

At first, Tony forgets one meeting. Spills one coffee. Accidents. “It happens,” Steve says, his smile as bright as ever.

Then it’s Bruce’s birthday and trembling hands all the time and Pepper’s name and a wheelchair. Eventually, Steve stops rescuing the world and spends the whole days in Tony’s room that only faintly smells like hospital. Tony not speaking is better than Tony using a vocabulary of a four-year old and Steve finds it particularly painful to admit. He bites his tongue, smiles tightly, and wipes the saliva from the corner of Tony’s mouth.

When Tony dies, Pepper follows him three weeks after.

Steve’s mind is too old, but his body is just as young as ever.

\---

When the world war comes, something in Steve dies. It’s all new and it’s all too familiar. Weapons are lighter and smaller and deadlier, but the faces of soldiers barely masking their fear behind helmets and bulletproof vests are the same.

Steve pities them. They are young and stupid and sometimes too brave for their own good.

In the end, most of them find their rest on the battlegrounds.

Envy is a vile thing – just as bad as lying to one’s self.

\---

The war ends, just to make place to another one year later.

Sometimes, there are weeks or even months of tense silence – no explosions, no missiles, no screaming. Steve loves those days and he can’t stand them.

He visits Bruce. His presence is soothing, but it cannot silence Steve’s thoughts. His mind is whispering one question: _when?_ The whispers sound like the screams on a battlefield.

Bruce barely moves. Steve reads him his favourite books and his voice never shakes.

It’s May and the war will end in five weeks.

Bruce never gets to see the peace again.

\---

Tony’s grandchildren love Steve’s stories and they don’t believe a single bit of them.

\---

Time flows.

Governments raise and fall. Nations are born and destroyed, cities built and shattered into dust. Wars burn the world black and grey, peace makes it blossom like the most delicate flowers.

It’s a never ending cycle and Steve is trapped, stuck in one place while the world spins around him like a tornado.

SHIELD still exist, but not for Steve. There are other heroes now – faster and stronger. More intelligent. Far more powerful. He is not needed.

Steve still tries to stand on the good side, but after his sixth _(seventh?)_ war, he finds it more difficult than ever. Nothing seems right anymore.

Once he was Captain America. Now he is Captain Nowhere. Captain Nothing.

\---

Steve is dead and he wonders why he’s still alive.

\---

Thor comes to take him away and Steve leaves without looking back once.

Thor understands more than everyone. Thor’s son sits on the throne now, proud and strong and just. Thor is forgotten.  Thor understands. Somehow it’s still not enough.

\---

Asgard smells of fresh bread and exotic flowers. Everything is peaceful _(outside Steve’s head)._

They often walk through endless corridors lit by dim shimmering lights.

“Thor, I’m tired,” Steve says.

Thor offers him a warm smile. “You can rest as much as you wish.”

Steve doesn’t explain what he meant.

\---

Thor shows him all the realms. If Steve were young, he would have fallen in love with all the worlds. With every scenery, every sound, every smell and taste. With Thor.

But Steve is old and Thor is too and if they ever kiss under the lights of foreign stars and make love in forgotten parts of forgotten worlds, it doesn’t feel like the beginning of a new book.

They are on their last pages.

\---

They sit on the shore of an ocean. The evening sky reflects in the water and the whole ocean seems on fire.

It’s a mesmerizing sight and Steve finds it oddly fitting.

“I’m tired,” he whispers, all sound getting lost in the murmur of the waves.

“I know,” Thor says.

\---

The silence stretches until the sky turns black and connects with ocean seamlessly. There are five stars above the horizon, white and unblinking.

Thor takes Steve’s hand and wraps his fingers around a dagger. Steve caresses the cold material with the tips of his fingers. It’s almost like meeting a friend.

There are two blades. There are two weary hearts. One tight embrace is all it takes.

The blood is black and it shines beautifully in the faint starlight.

Steve smiles because he is free.

Finally.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, I'm sorry. Also, thank you very much for reading...


End file.
